Posted on: 08-03-2002 09:18
Laura Brown is raising two kids with her partner, Glenn, in Virginia, USA. Her kids have had experience with both public and private school, so I asked Laura about the differences between those experiences. She was nice enough to write me an email expressing her views, which I print here, almost in it's entirety:
I would like to have some kind of financial assistance go to people sending their kids to private schools. I would be interested in some kind of system where families in a lower socio-economic bracket have access to private schools. It would create better diversity in the private sector, which at this point is the only drawback (except the financial hardships) since almost everyone attending private schools is white middle/upper class.
We originally started out placing our 6 year old in public school. We were not happy about the decision, but it was a financial one. We didn't have the resources to send the children to a private school. The first two weeks were very hard for Aspen (who was then six). He has a ton of energy, even for a boy, and was accustomed to roaming around in the woods and playing all day. He had no prior school experience and adjusting to such a completely new environment and enforced structure was difficult for him. He had already experienced a lot of socialization with other children and other adults (living in an intentional community with 40 adults and 30 children), so we weren't too concerned about him adjusting socially. But, it quickly became apparent that he was having trouble. Everyday when he came home, we would ask him "How was school?" and he always replied that it was fine but the kids in his class were "just jerks." Everyday it was the same thing "The boys in my class--they're just jerks." We thought maybe he was having a conflict with a particular group of boys or a particular situation had arisen.
So we continued to ask him "Well, what do you mean? What makes them jerks?" His response had nothing to do with anything that had personally happened to him. He told us that the boys "don't listen to the teacher and they talk when she's talking and they tell each other to shut up." I asked him if anything had happened to him specifically--if he had any problems with anyone or any fights. He said no, but that he kept a boy from hitting another boy on the playground. It seems the standards of behavior he was accustomed to at home were not applied at school.
Aspen became increasing upset and was crying almost every night -- not just crying, but sobbing. At this point, we contacted the private school near us and they worked out a lot of financial aid for us. We cleaned the school two nights a week and Glen taught a class there once a week, plus they lowered the tuition. As soon as Aspen switched to the private school his complaints about school stopped, he stopped crying every night, and adjusted well to the new environment. He is still "all boy" but has a teacher who stresses politeness, manners, and being kind to each other. Any conflicts are addressed as a whole class with group discussions. His teacher also works on building the children's self-esteem -- she prioritizes that.
There is also a sense of community in the school -- it is very small, maybe 70 students total and everyone knows each other. The older children are paired with the younger ones for "book buddies" time and also for school assemblies and activities. If the middle schoolers have learned a new song, they might visit the nursey to share it. One of Aspen's favorite parts of the day is in the morning when he visits the nursery kids and gets to play with them a little in their room. He likes being the "big kid," which is a nice role for him to be in since he was a bit younger than his classmates.
This private school also does not place children into grades according to age. There are no true grade designations and children are placed in classrooms according to their academic and social capabilities. Both Aspen and Kyra will have the same teacher next year and have a chance to be the older ones in the class. This will be helpful for their self-esteem and give them a chance to build more academic skills before moving on to a more challenging level. If they were enrolled in public school, they would be forced on to the next grade and be falling behind their peers. Kyra is six years old, but she just hasn't been ready to remember all the letter sounds, and Aspen is also behind grade level for his age. I'd rather see them do well in an appropriate placement than get discouraged and give up trying because they were forced into a grade that's beyond their abilities.
This private school has values that are more in line with ours. They emphasize taking care of the environment. The kids were in a school play about a rain forest and all the animals and trees that lived there. They emphasize community and parent involvement and are staffed by many parents like us who are working off tuition credits. They did not promote patriotism after Sept 11th (no flags and 'What I love about this country' and 'What it means to be an American' essays on the school hall walls like I saw in public school), but instead had the children reflect about the event and express their feelings through poetry and letters to world leaders.
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